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The Art of Sleeping Alone: Why One French Woman Suddenly Gave Up Sex, by Sophie Fontanel
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Sophie Fontanel, bestselling novelist and iconic editor of French Elle, tells the provocative story of her decision to stop having sex—a choice that profoundly changed her view of herself and her place in the world.
At the age of twenty-seven, after many years of having (and, for the most part, enjoying) an active sex life, beloved French author, journalist, editor, and fashion blogger Sophie Fontanel decided she wanted to take a break. Despite having it all—a glamorous job, plenty of dates and boyfriends, stylish clothes, and endless parties to attend—she still wasn’t happy, and found herself wanting more. She chose to give up her sex life, and in so doing shocked all of her friends and colleagues. What she discovers about herself is truly liberating and raises a number of questions about the expectations of the society in which we live. As she experiences being the only non-coupled one at dinner parties, weekend getaways, and summer vacations, she muses inspiringly on what it means to find happiness and fulfillment alone.
Provocative and illuminating, The Art of Sleeping Alone, which spent eight weeks on the bestseller list in France, offers advice on love and sex while challenging modern-day conventions of marriage and motherhood, making this an ideal read for anyone who has chosen to do things a little differently.
- Sales Rank: #583080 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-08-13
- Released on: 2013-08-13
- Format: Kindle eBook
From Booklist
At 27, popular French writer and editor Fontanel lost her taste for sex. With her desire for physical intimacy with another person gone completely, she broke up with her lover and decided to go it alone. She’s surprised and put off by the reactions she gets. Friends try to set her up, assuming she just hasn’t met the right man; men think they can break through her indifference and try to seduce her; and one woman surmises that Fontanel’s rejection of men means that she must be interested in women now. Fontanel holds her ground and finds physical pleasures outside of sex, indulging in lavender milk baths and embracing her pillow. She finds joy in being a party of one and takes note of how uncomfortable this makes her friends, most of whom are coupled—some happily, others less so. In gracefully woven vignettes, Fontanel observes how society disapproves of people who refuse to pair off even as she is steadfast in underscoring the benefits she enjoys from unapologetically listening to her body’s needs and taking time for herself. --Kristine Huntley
Review
"A searching investigation into the power of no... a sophisticated bagatelle of a volume, filled with detours to exotic locales." (Dwight Garner The New York Times)
"Fontanel knows a thing or two about seduction.” (The Wall Street Journal)
About the Author
Sophie Fontanel has been an editor at Elle France for more than a decade. A novelist and essayist, she lives in Paris. The Art of Sleeping Alone is her first book to be published in English.
Most helpful customer reviews
74 of 77 people found the following review helpful.
A good premise, but too much narcissism
By Michelle
I came across the book this morning when the Atlantic published an excerpt on its website. I was immediately drawn to the premise: a sensible, attractive woman who deliberately decided to take a break from sexuality and cast a dispassionate look at a society that seems to put sex on a pedestal. Plus the prose was beautiful and well-translated, so I immediately went on Amazon to see if I could download it onto my Kindle.
It is a quick read that one can finish it leisurely in a few hours. And after I've done that, this is what I think:
I still believe that the author laid down a question that is worth pondering. Too often our societal ideals about romance and sexuality is dominated about the idea that a healthy, happy woman should be out and about, engaging in action. The more the merrier. However, this kind of mentality assumes as if mutual carnal pleasures are the ultimate meanings. It says nothing to the loneliness and incompletion of an individual. Of getting hurt. Of vulnerability. Of asymmetry. Of love unreciprocated. Most importantly, of the independence and wholesomeness that a woman must achieve before a lasting relationship is possible at all.
For a good portion of the book this surely looks like what the author was getting at. I found especially poignant her honest exposé of her first sexual encounter at the age of 13 - the candidness with which she shared her naivete, vulnerability, and the disillusionment that she felt as a result of her precocious adventures.
However, as the book went out, it became increasingly clear that the author was much less interested in exploring this questions than admiring her own courage and beauty. I do admire her for taking the decisive step to abstain, in the prime of her years, from such a crucial pleasure in human life, and committing to this decision for many years. Nevertheless, there was something exhibitionist about the whole gesture. She is insistent on demonstrating how her friends are indignant at her chastity. Though on the surface she expresses dismay at the fact that they do not really understand her, in truth she derives a great deal of pleasure from that, for it somehow shows her to be better than all the rest of unenlightened humanity. Furthermore, the way she describes episode after episode of men, women, even couples trying to seduce her seems only there to persuade the reader how beautiful and attractive she is. All the more so because she hasn't had sex for years.
Not that there is anything wrong with that. A woman is entitled to be proud of her beauty and intellect and courage to make such a crucial decision in life. But I can't help but feel disappointment because the author had a unique opportunity to explore and express something profound that could have helped other women. But she was too busy with admiring herself to fully develop her ideas.
20 of 20 people found the following review helpful.
Disappointing
By MoMo
I guess it depends on what purpose you're reading this book for. It's typically French, glossy and a bit histrionic at times. The good points are found early on in the book, as the author examines her sex life critically and goes against the grain to stop having sex (with other people, at least). This forces her to critically examine the lives of her vapid friends and how they (and the author) define "love" (hint: it's got nothing to do with giving of yourself to another person, and I don't necessarily mean sexually). It's interesting to read about their reactions to her big choice (although I found myself wondering why she told them about it; it's really none of their business). The chapters about the other pleasures she turned to in life (massages, talking to children, etc) were nice but I'm not quite sure how they're connected to not having sex. Unfortunately, the ending really disappointed me (spoilers)-- at the end of the book, she spontaneously ends her 12-year celibacy by picking up a (married) acquaintance and taking him home for a rendez-vous. After all the meditating she did on the subject, in the end there was no revelation or self-discovery, or at the very least, progress of character. Perhaps it's my fault for expecting more depth, but I don't know.
17 of 20 people found the following review helpful.
Disappointing
By Henry Le Nav
Disappointing. I don't think her experience is all that terribly unusual. Many people go through periods of abstention, usually not as long, and usually not self enforced.
Caution Spoiler:
Her story struck me as though she grew weary of and her body rejected being used by men who did not love her but found her a convenient lover. I believe that she was tired of being an appliance. I can understand her desire to get away from that situation, in fact I think it was noble of her to do so. If a situation is not fulfilling one's happiness then they should endeavor to change. Take a vacation from men, and leave loveless sex forever. But then it struck me that rather than trying to find a meaningful loving relationship, she just seemed to take much smug satisfaction at being the odd woman out and watching her friends scramble to fix her life, while their own were so obviously full of faults. So after quite some period of time she began to feel "insinuating vibrations" and the book ends with her starting an affair with a married man. Perhaps all she wants from life are on and off periods of loveless sex. It struck me that she wasted her sexual prime trying to prove some point to herself and her friends, but in the end what ever that point was, she didn't seem to learn it very well.
End of Spoiler
This book was very short, possibly thankfully so. It is divided up into short vignettes that I invariably found were just starting to get interesting and I would flip the page to find that it ended two or three sentences later. It seemed to be written with some artsy Victorian modesty that implied much but told very little. I found the prose too flowery and vague. Its not 1850, so there is no need to appeal to the delicate sensibilities regarding subjects not suitable for mixed company.
My biggest disappointment with this book was that I was hoping to learn something and it didn't happen. I spent my teens and early 20s mostly in a state of celibate longing for love and intertwined with that love, sexual intimacy. When I found it, I regretted the time that was squandered. I didn't like sleeping alone, and I was hoping for something that would shed a positive light on her experience. If there was a lesson in the human condition to be had here, it went over my head.
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